October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. Typically on the 15th of October is when others share their awareness. However, the 29th will always be the day that I share. October 29, 2012 is when I experienced what miscarriage was for me personally.
I shared a post about it all a week after it happened HERE
So, what is it like 5 years later? It’s still hard. I still don’t understand. I still wonder what that baby, who would be 4.5 years old now, would be like. I still get emotional when I think of him. I still also thank my Heavenly Father for allowing me to carry him, even if it was a short 12 weeks. That was still life. Was still my child. Just because I didn’t get to hold or see him. Or even get to feel him kick. He was real. He was here. That is such an honor.
Now that Nolan is here, how can you wonder all these things? They couldn’t both exist here. A question I’ve actually been asked more than once. I get it. Scientifically, it’s not possible. As I got pregnant with Nolan 4 months after losing our baby. However, they’re both my children. It’s not really a question I am able to answer because I feel almost like I would have to choose one over the other. What mother can choose one of her children over the other?? That is why I trust in my Lord and Savior. “I don’t understand His way, oh but I will give Him all of my praise.” Again, I am honored and find it as a gift that I was chosen to carry all of my children. I don’t take it lightly or for granted.
5 years later, I’m still learning to not let the fear that has come through miscarriage to have any place in me. With each pregnancy I’ve had since then, the fear of “what if it happens again?” has had it’s moment of really gripping at me. It’s something I have had to fight. It’s something I have had to surrender to Christ and allow His peace to take over in me.
5 years later, I am a little more aware to know what to say, or better yet, what not to say to those who have walked these shoes. I’ve learned that every person grieves different and it’s not a one way for all type of ordeal. It’s these learning experiences that I hold onto. I will never understand or know the why. However, I will take what I’ve learned and bring honor to our baby that we never got to meet or hold. I will continue to share my story, even if it helps just one other mama know she isn’t alone and I acknowledge her baby and his/her life, no matter how short.
It’s finally starting to feel like fall. Even if it is just a very tiny bit. I will take it.
While it’s here, I’m pulling out all my fall attire. Give me all the booties, sweaters and flannel!
This shirt I got from PINKBLUSH is the most perfect addition to my fall attire!
If you haven’t heard of Pink Blush, it’s a trendy online boutique. They make any mom, at any point of her season, feel fabulous. From maternity, to post birth, to still nursing your toddler. 😉
Their clothes are so versatile and comfortable. Every mom knows the importance of being comfortable all while doing the daily #momlife tasks but still being stylish while doing it.
I love the lace detailing of this shirt. It makes the look feel feminine and classy.
You can throw on a flannel and add a bit of character and contrast.
Head on over to PINKBLUSH now and start shopping! You can find this shirt, (that also comes in a black), HERE.
Happy shopping lovelies!
*Thank you Pink Blush for collaborating with me.
Also, a huge shout out to Kaylie Poplin Photography for taking these amazing pictures.
My neighbor is cooler than your neighbor 😉 *
Homeschool curriculum is always the next question that seems to get asked. I’ve asked it when speaking to other fellow homeschool moms. Then, when preparing for our first year of homeschooling, I researched and asked until I was blue in the face. There’s so much information! It can be so overwhelming.
I will be honest however, when I have ever been asked what curriculum we are using I kind of laugh because we aren’t really using one particular curriculum. In fact, I’ve only ordered a few school books and for other things we are just using library books, nature or the good ‘ole inter web for free resources. 😉 I believe this is easy, (and for us), the best thing to do for these early school years. Besides, homeschooling ain’t cheap, ya’ll!
The school books we ordered are the Abeka Language and Abeka Letters & Sounds.
Rod and Staff Mathematics 1
After all the research, reading reviews and talking to ones I know who have used these and hearing their opinions and personal reviews, I felt these would be a good starting point and work best for us. So far, we are loving these. With Abeka, I did feel like I needed the lesson planning guide.
I battled for a bit with ordering it as I felt like I could come up with one on my own using just the workbooks but I hadn’t prepared for that and we had already started. I had the old edition of the lesson planning guide and because they changed all the workbooks to a newer edition, it wasn’t all matching up. Now that I have it, I do enjoy using it as they do give good tips and tricks with phonic rules. Ended up being worth it and am now glad I bit the bullet. 🙂
For other subjects, we just do a lot of reading aloud, science experiments we find online or from a workbook from the dollar spot at Target when they had all the school resources 😉 There’s so many fun free resources you can find online too. Which is so great! Especially for unit studies! 😉
I love to be organized so I do like to lesson plan. I was able to find a very simple lesson plan free template that I was able to write in my own subjects and such.
You can find it HERE.
With it being my first year of homeschooling, I thought I would do a short series of our own personal life of homeschooling.
I will start with the why.
Before I go on, let me just say, I in no way shape or form think I have this all figured out or even put together. I am only on week five currently and already, I have changed some things and learned real quick what is not working for us. This is more just a documentation of our homeschooling life so far. 😉
One thing I have been asked frequently is what made us decide to start homeschooling.
I’ve always known that I would want to homeschool my children. For me, personally, it was just a no brainer. Then, we had our first born and in a blink she was school age! We agreed for her to go to preschool. It was the best in our area and I knew it would be something she would enjoy and gain a lot from. I also became pregnant right in the beginning of her year of preschool so there was no way of me homeschooling. I had about as much energy of a sloth for both first and third trimester.
We now had kindergarten to think about. That’s when I discovered, “oh! Kyle is not exactly on board with this homeschooling thing”. What?? It honestly was just a conversation we never had so neither of knew exactly where the other stood. So, we nicely debated. 😉 No, really we did. We both did our research and was getting those all together when we got the news that Anna’s preschool was opening up for kindergarten for the first time!
I was hestitant at first as, again, I really wanted to homeschool. However, I also had just had a baby and by the time the new school year would start, she would only be a few months old. After more praying, (because yes, there was a lot of praying about this decision. Who would have thought decisions regarding our children’s education would be so stressful?!), we knew this was the right thing to do. So, off she went back there for kindergarten, and I am forever so grateful that she did. That year, Anna flourished! The whole staff and community there was the best for her.
As first grade was approaching, we had “the talk” again and there was no debating. We both agreed it would be good.
There are a lot of reasons why I wanted to homeschool my children and why I think it’s best for my family. One of the big ones is I want for Kyle and I, as the parents, to have our hand on what type of education our children will have. As well as, allowing our children to go the pace that is right for them individually. We get that with homeschooling.
As for Anna, it’s something that she had vocalized that she wanted too. She is loving it and tells everyone and anyone who will listen, about how she “goes to homeschool”. 😉
Again, it’s just our fifth week. I have a lot to learn too. Still finding our groove in some areas. However, I feel really good about this decision and look forward to what all this year has to bring.
Lily “Sunshine” Hock
We got ourselves a puppy! A bichon frise. Crazy, right? What is a family of three young kids doing with a puppy?? Perhaps we’ve officially lost our minds. Who knows. However, we love this little snowball and are so excited to have her as part of our family. It’s been one full week of us having her here in our home and already we couldn’t imagine life without her. She has joined right in with the chaos.
She was one of five puppies born on June 24th. She was one of two females out of the five.
We chose the name Lily from Tiger-Lily on Peter Pan. Our kids had already been calling her Sunshine from the day she was born and didn’t think they would go for a different name. However, when we did a family vote, they all agreed to Lily.
I love seeing my kids with her. They’ve been so good and helpful. Harper is still getting used to the idea of something smaller than her who gets mommy’s attention being around the house. For the most part though, she does great. Lily has been great with them too. ♥
Can you find Lily?
We are excited for all the memories that are to be made with having Lily in our lives.